Caught Bear Assed

A good tool for developing creativity is Improv. (Which spell check tells me isn’t real but it is totally real.) Improv is perfect for kids because of their flexible reality. Adults really get the most benefit out of it. We play lots of games where we make up stories or pictures as we go and it is lots of fun. Sometimes it gets me into trouble.

One game we play is with a dry-erase board. I will start sketching shapes and making up a story along with the picture. Adding to the picture or the story as needed to make them both fit together. Usually the story ends in a fart noise and scribbles and everyone is laughing on the floor. This is probably why my children tell other people jokes that involve “Cat Poop” as the punchline.

One day I drew a blob that vaguely looked like a bear so I made the good decision to tell them the story of the Bear and the Rabbit in the woods. It goes as follows:

A rabbit is walking through the woods and happens upon a bear who is pooping. The bear looks at the rabbit and asks, “Hey Rabbit, Do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?” The rabbit considered the question thoughtfully and replied, “Why no I don’t guess I do.” So the bear grabbed the rabbit and wiped his butt.

For my kids that was the funniest story ever told. They insisted I finish the sketch of the Bear and the Rabbit. So I did.


If you have ever drawn an inappropriate picture for a two year old, this post is for you. Don’t judge me. After all, everybody poops. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

Rabbit Habit

I got an interesting phone call.

“Hey, where are you guys?” Mamaw politely asks.

“We are driving into town to pick something up.”

“Are you going to be back this way soon?” she inquires. “The store closes at 4:00 and we need some rabbit food.”

“Maybe. I will let you know when we are leaving.” I did the calculations of travel distance and time of day. It would be around 3:45 before we could make it to the store and that was cutting it close. Maybe was the best I could do.

“Okay.” She answered.

“Okay.” And I hung up the phone.

Then I realized the true problem. My mother doesn’t own a rabbit. Why would they need rabbit food? Has she forgotten the trauma that rabbit ownership can cause? I quickly sent a follow-up text message.

I couldn’t wait for a reply and so Facebook came to the rescue.

Look what we got!

Look what we got!

Sure enough, good old Grandpa caved-in, like a cheap shed in a snowstorm. In fact, he was so completely soft that he imagined the temporary distress that merely asking for a rabbit might cause and that was too much for him to bear. He made a preemptive strike and told Prima to decide if she wanted a rabbit and pick one out. She selected a red eyed albino.

I introduce you to Bun-Bun.

Bun-Bun is the lump under the sheep.

Bun-Bun is the lump under the sheep.

You might notice a white animal on the couch that I haven’t mentioned before, that is a lamb. Jane accompanied Grandpa to the goat sale about a week ago and I got a similar Facebook notification that a purchase of a baby sheep had been made. This was a pity purchase as well because one of the pet goats died the week before.

Buddy was a good goat. Lets take a moment of silence to remember our fallen four legged brothers. At least boobfreckles is still alive. And Toby. He is doing good too.

That's my boy! Getting big.

That’s my boy! Getting big.

Although, once he gains another half pound or so, he will be losing his manhood. I caught him humping a stuffed yellow dog but I didn’t intervene. Enjoy it while you can little buddy. No judging.

If you have a life that always has room for one more kid, or animal, or whatever, this post is for you. You’re welcome. We should probably be doing something more productive with our time and resources but really I can’t imagine what that might be. Because if you can watch people open mystery packs of My Little Pony on YouTube without a lamb to share it with, is life worth living?

You notice the torture and pain that my girls put these poor animals through.

You notice the torture and pain that my girls put these poor animals through.

Kids get more life lessons out of social interactions and baby farm animals are a good analog for some of the bright minds they will come across in society. I’ve met a few sheep and goats along the way.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.