My kids directly contradict the very nature of the Golden Rule as moral guidance. Rule: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

That sounds like it should be solid right?

I don’t like having something stolen so I don’t steal from others. That sounds easy.

Can you think of an easy example? Maybe it is “I don’t like being robbed at gunpoint so I won’t carjack anyone tomorrow.” Yep, solid rule. Seems to work every time.

Then I lived with Don Threeto. Yet again I have overheard the girls talking and thought that maybe I should offer some fatherly advice. I hear, faintly from the living room, “…you do it hard and then I’ll do it too.” That snippet of conversation was followed by a smacking of skin and some giggling. I walk around the corner and Lady Bug is standing in front of Threeto and she has a bright red cheek but a confusing smile. All I could think was, “Oh God there are two of them. Why is she smiling?”

 

I start the standard dad conversation:

Underdaddy: “What is going on in here?”

Threeto: Just some smacking.

Underdaddy: We don’t need to smack each other. We have talked about this. (I am trying my best not to laugh, who says “Just some smacking”. That’s like saying oh you know just some kidney punching and blood peeing, no big deal.)

Threeto: But I like to fight.

Underdaddy: I know but we’ve talked about this. There are lots of reasons. Women make less money in the MMA and getting to the top is really hard. Not everyone likes fighting.

Threeto: Can she punch me?

Underdaddy: No! We are done punching anyone. I forbid anything physical-not even squeeze hugs. Go sit in the corner and think of flowers or something.

 

I know that this has happened before and I am confused about kids who enjoy getting “roughed up”. How do I teach her about being kind to others when her disappointment sometimes includes not getting punched by her sister. The proper application of the Golden Rule would have three of four daughters getting their asses whipped by Threeto because you know, “Do unto others..”.

A brief thought. We can’t all be communal vibes of happiness.

So if you have children who test the moral fabric of society, this post is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.