Supermom

All the Little Things

This week is a special guest post from my awesome wife and sidekick, Supermom. I came home one day to her special exhausted/rage face and I knew she was cleaning the playroom. She had spent a lot of time stewing over the playroom disaster so we decided that she would take a chance to guest post and share a rant of her own. I’ll have her blogging in no time!

We have an upstairs “room”. This room was unfinished when we bought the house but as we started to grow we decided to finish it. Because we had three kids at the time Underdaddy and I decided to DIY it. During this DIY decision we didn’t factor in that we didn’t know how to finish the room. After a lot of fussing and cussing and a little help from family we finished it, it wasn’t pretty to say the least but it was functional so we turned it into a play room!

The rules would be:

1. Toys stay upstairs, no toys will travel down to the lower level.

2. You have to keep it clean;

Neither rule is enforced or followed!!

So about every 6 months I put on my mommy panties, grab my broom, garbage bags, and alcohol to tackle the shit storm of toys and god only knows what else. My six month cleaniversary was this past week and after six bags of garbage (not even broken toys, straight up nasty trash! Note: I found actual SHIT!) a pile of trash by the curb, and three giant boxes of giveaway shit, I decided to do a little math.

I know. WTF? Why math?

I had a good reason (mainly I needed a break before I lit a match and just walked away). I calculated just how many toys my children get at just one Christmas. Let me give you some back info before we get into the equations. Every year before Christmas I get the same few texts/emails/calls from grandparents, aunts, and friends “What do the kids want for Christmas?”, “Make a Christmas list for the kids.”, “What are the girls into now?” with the main goal of what can I buy the kids! Every year I get the messages and every year I answer the same way “They don’t really need anything” and “Please only 1 toy per child” (I know this makes me sounds like a total tight ass, because what young kid likes to open clothes/shoes for Christmas but I promise I have a reason beyond wanting to suck the joy out of my kids!). The grandparents always say “ok” but when the day comes there are always more than one toy per child!! The grandparents always say “well I just had to get “it” or I felt bad for not getting them more toys to open!”

I get it, I really do but OMG the amount of “things” in my already small house is taking over my life!

So let’s do the math: (I am only including the normal gifters in the equation)

My children are blessed with,
4 sets of grandparents
3 sets of Aunts/ Uncles
3 sets of Great grandparents
5 sets of Great Aunts/Uncles
3 Other category (could be family friends or school friends)
18 total gift givers X 4 kids = 72 total gifts (that is if each “set” gives only 1 gift)

That is a lot of potential gifts but I couldnt stop there. I broke it down even further because I really didn’t want to get back to cleaning!

Every toy has an average of 5 pieces X 4 kids, so that’s 360 pieces. If you are lucky enough to get a Lego set with 200 pieces X 4 kids, that’s up to 14,400 tiny pieces.

This calculation only includes one gift giving holiday. Birthdays, Easter, and random toy purchases throughout the year aren’t included. Also doesn’t include Santa and our gifts.

I am also going to take a minute to answer the question you have in your head right now (I have social anxiety so I judge myself to see what others are saying about me).

Question: If the room is so nasty in six months why not clean it sooner?

Answer: Six months is usually the time it takes for me to emotionally get over it!

Question: If they have so many toys why don’t you donate to goodwill or RIFA before Christmas.

Answer: The main problem with this idea is that in one month they will have broken a quarter of the toys and by six months they will have broken most of the rest. So the toys aren’t fit to give to anyone after my Godzilla children enjoy their toys. I would be donating toy scraps.

The good news is that with all my cleaning and throwing away we are well prepared for the next holiday and all of the “just one thing” toys that we expect to get. The kids love opening surprises and I don’t want to take that from them but wow it is a lot of stuff.

-Supermom

Five Textures

Everyone seemed to enjoy the candid conversations via technology that I enjoy on a daily basis. The cool thing about texts is that they get put in a string of conversation but they aren’t necessarily related. Here are five of my most recent favorites.

One morning we were late leaving the house in a mad rush and Supermom decided to drive the kids to school while wearing her PJ’s. She got about a mile down the road and saw that she needed fuel, asap. She called me and asked me to stop at the gas station and pump her gas which I did gladly. We were both late so when I finished I walked to her open window and gave her a quick kiss and left Don Threeto had a cute explanation of why we stopped at the gas station together.

Dirk the 4th Chipmunk is a Kids Place Live satellite radio character. So that would be interesting.

The next few texts show a decline of sanity and peacefulness in the household from morning to the afternoon. Don Threeto was the main culprit who masterminded the downward spiral.

Innovation.

Apparently the kids decided to have some fun that was safer but messier. Supermom was not amused.

Lol

Things continued in the downward spiral and ended with me needing to fix the cord on our new vacuum.

K is Kolaso, our bunny rabbit. Now I feel like working late.

If you hang out with kids long enough then you start to consider things like never having another one. The drama culminated with a universal appreciation for birth control.

Strangely she didn’t reply. I thought it was funny.

If you missed round one of my favorite texts then you can find more here.

If you are curious about what snip snip is referring to, click here. Surely you know but if you ever wondered what actually happens then give it a read.

If you enjoy a marriage with a sense of humor, this post is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

Text Me Up

Part of the excitement of being married to a stay-at-home-mom is the daily randomness that I get to experience. It follows a semi-predictable pattern; everything is good until the older two come home from school then all bets are off. Actually, all bets are on and my money is on the shit hitting the fan. However, nothing is written in stone and no one can predict exactly where a day will get strange.

Here are some fun texts I have gotten.

These are fairly typical. Someone pooped/spilled/peed.

Animals kick it up a notch. We remember Toby fondly but he had some difficult moments.

It was kind of true. He was being a jerk that day.

Other animal moments involving the incontinent dog are fun. In the picture below there is a typo, the “bug” man not the big man. She is not biased against fat people, just unnerved by the exterminator.

The dog is like a goofy blind special needs pet that is too cute to put down except she isn’t cute anymore really.

Some texts are out of left field and prove I married the right woman because of her sense of humor. Maybe Ramona will be just as accepting…

Ramona’s alias is Current Resident, I bet she is in med-school. We could use that kind of financial help.

The next one I have to put a disclaimer because she reads all these. It is an exaggeration and I have never noticed any maintenance issues.

I like a lady who can keep me warm at night.

And for the final reason that I love the texts from home. I know that she is using her time at home to develop important life skills.

Who doesn’t want to be married to a ninja! She has mad food-sneaking skills.

So if you get awesome and random correspondence from the home front, this post is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

Just Another Day

I know we are busy. I know we start getting dressed in the mornings and try to eat at the same time. I am aware that the brain fog of early morning is nothing to be messed with but seriously… who left the half-eaten bowl of Froot Loops on the back of the toilet? Not cool.

I was interviewed by www.dadofdivas.com for the Dads In The Limelight Series. It was a good interview and timely for me because I am in one of those dreary cycles where I don’t feel like being awesome at anything. You can read the interview here.

Fun story from Labor Day Weekend: We arrived at the TN River just in time for the girls to go on a boat ride with the grandparents. The smallest child, Lady Bug, went on the boat in her cute little swimsuit and life jacket. She had those beefy little baby legs that are so cute and little round feet that make her waddle just a bit when she walks. They all got on the boat as we stayed behind to unload the van. When everyone returned they had been swimming in a playing in sand. Lady Bug’s diaper had taken on water and just like the Titanic, it fell apart and sank, so she was going commando in her swimsuit. No big deal. We could gamble on that for a few minutes.

The four girls sit down at the picnic table as we start to prepare little paper plates with fruits and chips for afternoon snacks. Supermom notices that there is a very large puddle forming under Lady Bug and sure enough she has peed. Just from a gut reaction I checked her swimsuit and found that she had also brewed up a number two. Once again we have a child isolated in the middle of a group of people while we decide how to handle an open-potty situation. We opted for the hose in the side of the yard. Spray them down and start over.

Another fun story: Supermom got a couple of tattoos from a good friend of mine who has worked hard and made a name for himself in the tattoo world. We didn’t test his mad skills in any way but I am really excited that he was able to do it.

The first one is for breast cancer and cute hearts.

The second is a semi-colon for a daily reminder to keep your head up and smile.

-Underdaddy to the rescue

I Know A Mother Who

Instead of a generic Happy Mother’s Day post, I decided to sit and think about all the different mothers that I know. Mothers are some of our most powerful influences and they put up with a lot of crap. I am living proof of that. Below is a list of Mothers I Know.

I know a mother who loves. In spite of harsh words or cold actions from others; she continues to love.

I know a mother who has lost. Deep loss with wounds that won’t heal but she continues to shine for others.

I know a mother who has sacrificed. People who buy houses with deer murals, red shag carpet, and one complete bath for a family of four are not the kind of people I call selfish.

I know a mother who is strong. The kind of strength that inspires some and at times confuses others. The ability to stand up to the odds for family and speak out against wrongs.

I know a mother who is scared. Afraid of not doing the right thing or teaching the best way. Fearful that she will make the wrong choices and totally mess things up. There are no “right” choices and there are laws against most of the “wrong” ones so, To that mom: Rock on, you are doing great!

I know a mother who gives. Love, time, health, money. It is impossible to hold anything close without sharing it with others, you might as well hold love.

I know a mother who never had a child but was just as much a mother for the family tree. She nurtured and protected people who learned from her. People who went on to teach their own children. I think that counts for a lot of mother points.

I know a mother who didn’t have to be a mother but chose to be, before she was probably ready. She figured it out on the fly and is a wonderful mom.

I know a mother who does it alone. She is single and powering through life as a parent.

I know a mother who worries for her children and for other children too. Nothing specific, just a deep seated wish for the happiness and success of others. A desire to protect them from sadness and pain.

I know a mother who faced death. She had cancer and delayed treatment for her baby. She was able to deliver and recover. Can you imagine making that choice? I can’t and until you stare down that barrel yourself, I dare you to even guess how it feels. That child will know what love looks like.

I know a mother who traded reasonable dreams for a less glamorous reality, then worked in that reality to give dreams to others. Many others. I hope she realizes that having an effect like that is something most people only dream of. Life is funny, we get what we ask for but the packaging is often unexpected. (I think we may see a veterinarian out of Jane)

I know a mother who thinks she does not do a good job and I know that thought is a lie. She is beyond amazing. She is showing her children how to be creative, how to try things that scare you, and how to give yourself to make other’s day a little brighter. The world of parenting is hard and exhausting. It really does take a village and for a large part of the village you are their helping hand.

I know a mother who is not a mother yet. She is learning what it means to be mom and is watching others to form her own ideas. She will become what she sees in her world. I know several of these types of moms.

So in a few days we will celebrate Mother’s Day. It is a day to say “Thank You!” but also a good time to say, “Good Job!” and “I Love You!” Remember all the moms you know.

If you are one of these Moms then obviously this post is for you. In the words of Sir Elton John –

“You can tell everybody, that this is your song, It may be quite simple but now that it’s done, I hope you don’t mind,…, that I put down in words, how wonderful life is while you’re in the world.”

Thank you.

-Underdaddy