Creepy Crayons

Have we talked about kids being creepy lately?


I feel like no.


Jane has always been the superstitious one and always has a story about her ghost friends. Now that she is getting to be a better artist she is trying to draw them more accurately. She drew a picture of them last Saturday and they look like a group of cursed pirates trying to steal the Black Pearl from Jack Sparrow. She swears one of them wears a wide brimmed captain’s hat.

Then she wrote a creepy story based on true events.


I don’t know if the real event was a watermelon demon crawling on her ceiling or insomnia. I choose insomnia.


She has other art that is less creepy but just as disturbing.


Notice the magnet. This made the refrigerator. 

At first glance this picture features a pony on the left with a pile of poop or a Dairy Queen chocolate dipped cone stuck to its hoof. It also has a word bubble that says “CRAP”. The large faceless pony on the right is trying to break through a barrier. Disturbing enough but then add in the stubby sidekick who is obviously watching for trouble. I have tried to figure out what that thing is and there is no getting around the fact that it is a penis that walks around on its balls. If you have a better interpretation… I am all ears. In fact, I am hereby holding a contest for an alternative explanation. Please enter one in the comments.

My youngest has not started producing creepy art yet but she does have a dark side. After spilling most of a container of juice she repurposed it as a torture chamber for some Littlest Pet Shop toys. I would ask her if the pets were “swimming” but I imagine she would just say, “No. They died.”


Supermom in her HO pants.

I defend myself quite a bit on here. I can only hope that our family is a normal level of crazy and I am just more lax about admitting it.

If your kids are the next M. Night Shyamalan, this post is for you. Every challenge is an opportunity in disguise. Tell yourself often. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

Mom and Dad by Jane

Today I woke up to a pleasant surprise. There was a tray table fully set with a Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie, a rock, a pencil, half an Easter egg, a bottle of water, and a beautiful story written for me. The three older girls collaborated on a morning surprise. For all the stories I tell that sound like literary birth control, this is part of the vast ocean of rewards that parents get from having children. Every now and then, they just want to love on you.

This is my excellent story.

Once upon a time there was a boy named David. He was really funny.

One day he saw a beautiful girl named Heather. She had black hair and brown eyes. David thought that she was really, really pretty so he talked to her. They went on they became boyfriend and girlfriend. Then they got married. They got a dog and a cat. The cat’s name is Madison. The dog’s name is Biscuit.

Then Heather had a kid named Jane. Then another named Prima. Then a kid named Don Threeto. Then another kid named Lady Bug. After that she got a wallaby. His name is Toby Dashnap Blackwood.

That is one story.

I wonder how long I should wait to let them read the real story?


-Underdaddy to the rescue.