Truth Vomit

The past weekend has been an overwhelming sadness because of a missing toddler. We have contributed to the search efforts and checked Facebook every fifteen minutes for hope of some sliver of good news. None yet, but more on that in another post. This story is about a birthday party I took Prima to on Sunday.

It was a holiday weekend so the kids were scattered at different Grandparent’s houses while they enjoyed being anywhere but at home. Sometimes I think they would rather live in the mailbox out front than in their own bedroom. Anyway, about Sunday morning we pulled the awesome parent move #352: Realizing that you have a birthday party to attend later that same day. Prima was at Mamaw’s and reminded her of the party about the same time that Supermom and I found the invitation. Nevermind the fact that Prima had never mentioned her before, she was determined to go to this party. With all the lingering sadness we decided a break would be good. Mamaw came through with a present which made the decision even easier. The present was a gift that was never given to anyone but it was a cool gift so she let us use it for the party. Awesome!

A little side note about Prima; She is a hugger and doesn’t understand strangers or personal space. We get to the party at the Pizza Buffet establishment and they are still decorating the room. The invitations said 3-6 so I knew there would be some serious festivities to get six year old girls through three hours of party. I overheard someone mention that the karaoke machine would “be here at four”. Double awesome. Frozen themed karaoke at the back of a pizza buffet restaurant. I’m all in.

Prima walks up to greet her friend and hands her the present.

She then proceeds to say, “Here is your present. We didn’t buy it. It is an old present from my Mamaws.”


I could have fucking died. I couldn’t get low enough into my seat to hide my shame and my laughter would have given me away anyway. Luckily the little girl is ADD too so her only response was, “I call my Grandma Mamaw too!” “Yay lets go play!”

Bullet dodged. I pulled out the iPhone and sat in the corner while fifteen people I don’t know stared at me and never attempted conversation. Then the karaoke got there. Right out of the gate we get Eddie Rabbit and I Love A Rainy Night. Those kids were confused at best. Then the lady mentioned Frozen and the heat was on. Let It Go. Do You Want to Build A Snowman. Jingle Bells.

Then when the birthday girl got tired of singing and ran to the arcade, her mother or aunt picked up the mic and sang a duet with someone about a man cheating between them and who he really loves. I thought that fit the six year old theme perfectly. Apparently this inspired the birthday girl to return and she sang Taylor Swift – Wildest Dreams, which she proceeded to describe some dude as handsome as hell. Another thing that made this six year old party interesting. I told Prima we needed to leave and she went on a hugging spree that I haven’t witnessed since my Aunt Lorie unleashed the Christmas hugs of 2003. Everyone in the family tree of the birthday girl got a goodbye hug from Prima. She left no stone unturned but several other children were mildly uncomfortable.

Just when I thought my parenting pride for the day had been hit hard enough. Jane has a conversation with her GJ about spending the night.

“I want to spend the night.”

“You don’t have any night clothes”

“I can wear these clothes to sleep in.”

“Then you will wear them twice.”

“That’s nothing, sometimes I wear my clothes three days at a time.”

Prima’s eyes light up with a potential solution. “I know what we can do! We will just switch clothes tomorrow so they will be clean to us.”

Yessir I am doing a bangup job of this parenting thing. If your kids make you look good to other people, this post is for you. Enjoy that because some of us aren’t so lucky. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy To The Rescue


Mom and Dad by Jane

Today I woke up to a pleasant surprise. There was a tray table fully set with a Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie, a rock, a pencil, half an Easter egg, a bottle of water, and a beautiful story written for me. The three older girls collaborated on a morning surprise. For all the stories I tell that sound like literary birth control, this is part of the vast ocean of rewards that parents get from having children. Every now and then, they just want to love on you.

This is my excellent story.

Once upon a time there was a boy named David. He was really funny.

One day he saw a beautiful girl named Heather. She had black hair and brown eyes. David thought that she was really, really pretty so he talked to her. They went on they became boyfriend and girlfriend. Then they got married. They got a dog and a cat. The cat’s name is Madison. The dog’s name is Biscuit.

Then Heather had a kid named Jane. Then another named Prima. Then a kid named Don Threeto. Then another kid named Lady Bug. After that she got a wallaby. His name is Toby Dashnap Blackwood.

That is one story.

I wonder how long I should wait to let them read the real story?


-Underdaddy to the rescue.