poop

Halloween 2016

Halloween has come and gone. We survived.

I’m exhausted.

Supermom is exhausted too.

I have several updates that I feel I need to share just to get the memory out of my head and into some sort of cataloged history. To kick things off we can start off with a popular Supermom text message.

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The joys of the school pickup line.

 

Along those same lines, I feel I have to mention the phone conversation we had today.

 

UD: Hey honey. How are you this afternoon.

SM: Oh… you know… good.

UD: What happened?

SM: Your child just took a shit in the floor. On purpose.

UD: Hardwood or carpet?

SM:Carpet.

UD: Hmmm. Not good. How did you clean it up?

SM: Well, after I cleaned her feet and legs there wasn’t much to clean up.

UD: What about the carpet?

SM: Ms. Judy Cornbread thought she would help me out…

UD: So kid crapped in the floor and the dog ate it?

SM: Yep.

UD: …

UD: I love you.

SM: Yep.

UD: I’ll call back later.

SM: K.

 

Let’s see… what else do you need updates on? Halloween report you say? Okay. Here were our costumes.

 

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Judy Hops!!!

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Pikachu!!!

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Bookworm Belle! I am proud that she likes this look better than ballgowns.

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Jane was a white wolf. Custom origami claws were a nice touch.

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Nick Wilde. More like Nick Tame who really let things go after a couple kids. 

The night started in excited anticipation and ended in a puddle of sugar soaked tears in the living room floor. Not for me though, I ate Reese’s cups until I thought I might be sick and fell asleep at midnight.

 

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The end of any good Halloween run. 

 

I do feel the need to rant just a bit. A couple of neighborhoods that were former candy-getting hot spots have fallen by the wayside. I can’t help but feel that it is driven by the phenomenon of trunk-or-treat events that are basically a blend of flea markets and parking lot carnivals. A local church had bouncy slides and fire trucks. What in the actual hell is going on here? Have we become so protectionist that we can’t let the kids jump from a slow moving vehicle and rush into a screaming mob of other children in strange neighborhoods?

Halloween is about dressing up and wandering door-to-door like a candy fiend zombie. It is a chance for elderly people to enjoy the exuberance of children and hand out cheap flavorless candy. Okay… that last part is cliché because this one lady last night was old enough that she was trying to decide if one of her bushes was a trick-or-treater yet she was handing out handfuls of the good stuff. God bless that lady.

Take note America. That is how you fight stereotypes, with fistfuls of Kit Kats and Hersey Bars. Thanks to her cloudy vision we went back twice. Four kids X two trips = eight candy bars for DADDY! Just kidding. They only went once so I only got four candy bars.

If you think the spirit of Halloween is being killed, processed, and sold at wholesale prices – this post is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

Twenty Questions

I spend a lot of time asking questions that are rhetorical or I already know the answer to. A really short catalog of my questions along with a few of my internet friends yielded a few interesting patterns.

1) We are really concerned with the status of children’s digestive processes.
2) Kids are like the messy roommate in college. Most of the questions can apply to both situations.
3) We are all (very) uninformed about the things going on right in front of us.
4) Kids know that cats are only nice because they aren’t big enough to kill you.

The Questions from my Facebook Dragnet. The subject was; What is something you ask your kids that would be inappropriate in a business meeting.?

Who left the toilet paper on the edge of the toilet and didn’t flush?

Did you wipe?
Who peed in the floor?
Would you please stop sitting on your sister?
Why is the cat locked in the closet?
Why are you taking your pants off?
Where are your pants?
Why are you naked?
Who stinks?
Did you poop?
Do you have to poop?
Will you PLEASE stop peeing on the floor?
Why is the cat locked in the closet?
Why are you naked?
Would you either nurse or get off the boob!?
You don’t need any more boob right now.
Did you poop?
Do you need me to come help you wipe your butt?
Did you just put a booger in your mouth?
What is going on in there?
Why are you guys so quiet?
Did you just wipe your face on your sister’s head?
What is on my shirt? A booger?
Can you stop licking things?
Don’t lick me while I’m talking to you.
Where are half of your shoes?
Do you intentionally hide one of every shoe that you own?

Do you have a good question to add to this list? Hit me up in the comments so everyone can enjoy. Honestly, this is a bit of a lazy post but I have been busy so humor me a little here.

One followup question. How is this dude still alive?

Just your friendly harbinger of the apocalypse. Sprinkle in the stray thoughts from his 123 year old brain trying to crank out complex biblical theory and we are all confused.

Just your friendly harbinger of the apocalypse. Sprinkle in the stray thoughts from his 123 year old brain trying to crank out complex biblical theory and we are all confused.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.