Halloween 2014

Hollow Heads

It is mocking me. It is on my back porch rotting away and it never even had a name or a face. We just gutted the insides and cooked them for our pleasure. A little salt makes them quite tasty.

Sure we intended to use the whole thing. We didn’t want to be wasteful of the sunlight and nutrients and sacrifice that was made. The knife was wet from sawing at the top of the head and all that was needed was a few more cuts.

We promised to bring it to life with a knife. It would be our Monster and we were the family of Frankensteins. If only we had the time and the patience. Or Teri Garr from Young Frankenstein… Crap I am off track. Focus. Focus. Oh yeah, if only we had the time or the patience.

“In a minute” gave way to “bath time”.

Then “bedtime” pushed the face-e-otomy to “tomorrow”.

We forgot that tomorrow was mommy and daddy date night and the next day was dance and a dinner. Two days later and we pulled off the top of his severed head.

Inside looked like the slimy mid-face of my youngest child. Booger-y and something you don’t really want to mess with.

He ended up on the back porch. A metaphor for my Halloween intentions.

Rest in Peace
#Jack-No-Lantern

Dead like the flowers that needed to go in the garden.

Dead like the flowers that needed to go in the garden.

While the faceless Jack judges me through the window I see the perfect parents on Facebook. They have a pumpkin with some extravagant MC Escher inspired landscape where the pumpkin thickness is shaved precisely to cast different light intensity. A brilliant Pinterest work of art. Thanks a lot guys.

I try not to have a heart attack watching Supermom cut the top off the pumpkin. She is using a foot long knife, cutting towards herself, and pumpkin is hard to cut until suddenly it isn’t. After about forty five seconds of saying “hey” or “you might wanna”, she glares and me and holds out the knife and thereby her opinion. No need it two of us getting cut so I shut my mouth.

At this point the children are uncomfortable and don’t want to watch us cut two triangles and a square, much less witness a stabbing.

To all you parents who failed at anything close to cool with the pumpkin this year. This one is for you. You’re welcome.

Underdaddy to the Rescue.

Thanks Jason

This is a filler post while i work on the Halloween 2014 breakdown. So many fun times but some much to do this weekend.

Below is my conversation with Jason from WordPress. I didnt know they offered online chat help and suddenly there is a little box saying, “How can I help you?”

I think WordPress felt the discussion was so awesome that I probably woke the next day asking myself, “Did that really happen?” To save me the confusion they sent a transcript for me to laminate and then frame for placement on my lifetime achievements wall. It might be a good first addition to a life of limited achievement. Or maybe it will just answer some questions about WordPress. Read on and find out.

underdaddy Hi are you a real person?
Jason – WordPress.com Hi, I certainly am 🙂
Jason – WordPress.com How can I help?
underdaddy Cool, what would you like to help me with?
Jason – WordPress.com I’m kinda partial to making photo galleries: http://en.support.wordpress.com/images/gallery/
underdaddy I’m more in need of laundry and general house cleaning. Hey wait I do have a question…
Jason – WordPress.com Go for it!
underdaddy How come there are only forty blogs recommended in humor and they are always the same?
underdaddy Im humerous
Jason – WordPress.com You seem humerous.
underdaddy True story
Jason – WordPress.com So those are sorted by views, and it just shows a set number. I’ll point out it might be good to mix that up from time to time though.
underdaddy I just haven’t found info on how that and freshly pressed actually work
Jason – WordPress.com Oh, that I can help with!
Jason – WordPress.com http://en.support.wordpress.com/freshly-pressed/
underdaddy Sweet! Now we both feel this was worthwhile. 🙂
Jason – WordPress.com Hey, I got to chat with someone with a sense of humor. That’s worth a lot.
underdaddy Is it boring there? This is a new feature I take it?
Jason – WordPress.com It is a new feature for this time of day. We are trying to expand it to be available for more people.
Jason – WordPress.com And no, not boring at all! I’m enjoying the World Series and answering questions 🙂
Jason – WordPress.com Doing my best to make people have a better day than before they chatted with me.
underdaddy That is a noble goal. I feel slightly more positive. Maybe I will think of something else and hit you up again.
Jason – WordPress.com I’ll be here for a few more hours, so you’ve got time!
Jason – WordPress.com If you don’t think of anything, have a wonderful rest of your night!
underdaddy You too!