The Blurting

Apparently I am going to have to become a better parent. Playing to the crowd isn’t working because my children keep throwing me under the bus.

It is one thing for strangers to question me when my child tells them point blank, “We didn’t buy this gift. It is an old one from mamaw’s house” but to start telling the grandparents strange things… that is going too far. I need someone in my corner when I am on the witness stand. This is the latest adventure in Kids-Say-The-Darndest-Things.

We have had a hectic holiday season and this past weekend was the first time we have been able to gather with part of our family on the opposite side of the state. Our long road trip must have given the children lots of time to reflect on embarrassing things to say. The visit started at a high school basketball game and the girls ran excitedly to Papaw and Lelee. Hugs and kisses and smiles bounced around. Aunt Kaykay was cheerleading and there were lots of sights and sounds that were distracting for the girls.

Leave it to old reliable Prima to hang me out to dry.


Prima: Hey Lelee…

Lelee: Yes?

Prima: Do you have any old things that we can have?

Me: *facepalm*

Lelee laughed and I just braced myself for the rodeo of random discussions that would make me look like a terrible person. Luckily, Lelee is understanding and tried to steer the conversation around to something that makes me look less like a crappy dad.

Lelee: So have you seen a basketball game before?

Prima: Oh yes! This is the third basketball game that I have seen.

Lelee: Oh really! What other games did you go see?

Prima: I didn’t go see them. They were on TV. One was Space Jam and the other was a man shooting basketballs on Henry Danger. Henry was in trouble and needed to …. (Insert thirty minutes of minute detail about a show that I’m sure Lelee didn’t know existed) But I have never been to a real game like this… We don’t go many places.

Me: You go places all the time!?

Prima: Yeah but we don’t go outside much. (She was staring at the halogen lights and only vaguely aware that she was still talking.) You don’t take us many places.


I never know what is going to come out of her mouth. Five minutes later that held true yet again.

The animal that represents this particular high school is a dragon. The cheerleaders were standing in front of a wall with a large mural of a dragon. Prima’s ADHD has focused her on the painting and she starts talking to Jane who is watching Aunt Kaykay.


Prima: Are they the dragons?

Jane: Yes

Prima: (pointing at the mural but appearing to point at a taller cheerleader) Oh man, that is a fat dragon!

Jane: Hahaha! Fat DRAGONS!


Sooooo, inside of ten minutes, my children revealed that we a) don’t have any material belongings, b) don’t allow them to venture into the sunlight, and c) teach them to ridicule people they don’t know.

If you have a continuing list of things that you have to explain, this post is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

Here Be Dragons

So Jane has decided she likes dragons. She has a book that catalogs the dragons of the world and gives locations with names and features. An animated book but to an eight year old, it is the Dragon Bible.

One morning she was being particularly insistent on us getting a dragon that I made a deal with her; If you find a real dragon that breathes fire and flies then we will buy it. “FOR REAL?” “Yes, For REAL.” Assuming of course that it is for sale. We might have to capture it. Using the pure imagination of a child she smiled and was inspired to find this mystical creature.

I heard about finding a dragon for the next week. We talked about hunting them.

“Daddy do you think we will find one?”

“I’ve never seen one but who knows. You might as well keep looking just in case.”

Rinse. Repeat.

Fast forward to Saturday and Supermom and I are shopping at the Toy Story with three of the four. Later that day we had scheduled a dragon hunt. Jane was riding horses and excited about the pending quest. As we came around the very last aisle, there was a bargain bin of…dragons. Prima and Threeto grabbed a couple right away and were in love. From there we hatched a plan.

I selected four dragons for a “price check” and bought them and hid them in the trunk. Then I told the girls that the story had made a mistake and the dragons weren’t for sale. Luckily they have the attention span of a drunken kitten. Step two was to race to Grandma’s house and I hiked into the woods to hide the dragons.

Once Jane arrived I gave the ground rules for the hunt and everyone hit the ground running. The excitement grew with the first successful capture. The last dragon was the hardest to find and required rolling under a barbed wire fence. Side note: I need to diet. Now.

Everyone showing their trophy hunt!

Everyone showing their trophy hunt!

Of course, leave it to Prima to say, “OMG these look just like the ones at Toys-R-Us”

Already in the action! Dragon nibbles.

Already in the action! Dragon nibbles.

Say Cheese! Probably the only "hunt" Supermom will ever take part in.

Say Cheese! Probably the only “hunt” Supermom will ever take part in.

Suffice it to say, they love their dragons. They have gotten along for five days because of these dragons. They used iPads and made videos.

Fun fact: Dragons are good babysitters.

Fun fact: Dragons are good babysitters.

This mission was a total success. Jane made a good decision to create some protective goggles for the fire breath.

Very steam-punk kind of vibe.

Very steam-punk kind of vibe.

It is good to have a success amidst failure. I haven’t even told everyone about the rabbits in my backyard yet. Fail.

So cute though. Except for waking up at 6:45 on a Wednesday morning to find that the oldest two girls brought in three rabbits and released them into the house unattended. They did spread hay around just in case the rabbits got hungry. So I walked out of the bedroom and tried to dodge a minefield of rabbit poop, hay, and actual rabbits that were burrowed into piles of dirty laundry. I think it was a new low. I didn’t even have a response for the girls. I just pointed at the door and glared.

I dont think the dragons are helping with the mental health of the bunnies.

I dont think the dragons are helping with the mental health of the bunnies.

If you ever enjoy a one step forward and two steps back kind of existence, this post is for you. You’re welcome. And let me know if you want a bunny. We have two left.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.