If anyone remembers the bullying post from a few months ago then you will appreciate an update. Most of the “mean girls” decided to go to a different school which is awesome. Jane moved to a new class and is settling in just fine.
A friend, of myself and Supermom, contacted us today to let us know about an interaction she had. She met a young girl about Jane’s age and asked her what school she was attending and the girl said Tiger Montessori which is my daughter’s school. She asked, “Oh do you know Jane?”
“Oh yes. I met her last week! She is my new best friend.”
Her mother then explained that her daughter had been having trouble with some girls last year and was very nervous about not finding friends again this year. “Jane has been so nice and such a good friend. She really needed that this year.”
I teared up a little when I heard. It’s not a big overt thing but I’m proud of her.
Jane and I have been having some talks about the feeling of revenge, bullies seeking power, and the simple fact that the only way to win is to be a better person and commit to the long-game. It feels empty to tell your children things like that because there is no immediate relief for a wound. But I think those wounds need to heal slowly and leave what scars they will. Those battles either teach you to become the monster or defeat it. She was on the verge of joining the dark side and becoming bitter about how the other kids viewed her.
One of my favorite things about Jane is her knack for finding the wayward kids who don’t quite fit into the mainstream. She has a real power to befriend and include people who don’t always experience community with the other kids. She has a magnetism and energy and so much love. I told her all this and wrapped it up by saying, “Bad things are going to happen. Write that down. The only thing you can do to disappoint me is to forget all the good things about Jane because of a few bad things. Hold on to those good traits, those things that make you love. Go be a good person just to fly in the face of the few assholes who want to see you fall. Fly like a dove. Then shit on their windshield. Big goopy drops of love and understanding.”
Bullies want to be powerful but they are defeated from the outset, true power comes from the pack. From the friends that feel accepted and protected and are willing to stand beside you in return. I’m humbled to think that my daughters have already made impacts to other kids lives that will affect their lives for years to come.
So far so good. We’ll see how the rest of the year plays out but this little tidbit did my heart good on the end of a weekend that has had us more than a little stressed out. More on that in a few days.
-Underdaddy to the rescue.