For some reason, society has decided that living life with anything other than two kids and two pets is crazy. Absolutely and certifiably, insane. If you just got married then you get a pass but it is only temporary. Time is tapping a toe and looking at a pocket watch. Get this show on the road.
If you are a little confused over what is expected of you have no fear, Hollywood and magazines have you covered. Or you could ask the internet indirectly by posting a picture and a phrase like “guess who is expecting!!”. If you have one child or less then you will get hundreds of likes. Maybe a few shares. Try it if you already have three kids or more and crickets…
So what is ideal? In an effort to save time I have looked into the matter. The ideal family has the following ingredients; a hard working father in a semi-physical trade that he can provide a good living but is definitely tired at the end of the day, a mother who makes a fuss over the family and is dramatic but she has a heart of gold and manages to cook all meals including school lunches; a son who is the oldest, good at sports, and is protective over his younger sister; a daughter who is the youngest and free spirited, highly pursued by boys but she is too busy with her studies for tomfoolery; a dog who is either a beagle mix or a golden retriever and was originally purchased as the companion to the son but is now best friends with dad; a cat who is fiercely independent but loves rubbing against legs when people are carrying large objects, she belongs to the daughter but you would never know it.
Throw in a white picket fence in a neighborhood with sidewalks and you have yourself a slice of America. Right out the oven.
If you don’t follow the recipe above then expect some of the following questions.
“Are you trying for a boy/girl?”
“When is the next one?”
“Are you ever planning on having kids?”
“Aren’t you going to give them a little brother or sister?”
or in my case…
“Four kids! Jesus. That’s one way to live your life.”
Old ladies in the supermarket are the most brutally honest. I have heard more than one person mention suicide if they had “that many” kids. Suicide! In front of my kids no less. It sounded more like, “Oh my. I’d don’t know what I’d do with that many. Probably jump off a bridge.” But honestly Gladiss, that is suicide.
Why wait lady? If life is that tough already. And thanks for letting my kids think that they are an unbearable burden.
It is just weird.
I have good kids too. They are polite and kind hearted. Definitely not “jump off a bridge” material.
People are no different with animals. The first dog or cat and people are all, “That is so sweet. Animals are such a blessing! Your kids will love it!”
Then hit them up with news about a rabbit or another dog or feeding an abandoned baby squirrel that lost its mother to a freak cat accident.
“Are you crazy?”
“What do you feed them?”
So what if I know what shows up when you type “squirrel nipples” into the Google search bar. It was a legit search. Go judge someone else.
I know people who spend more on booze than I do on animals. Or cars. Or fancy dinners. Hell, I spend more on fancy dinners than I do on pets. Which proves you can’t justify one bad habit by comparing it to a worse one but still… There are worse things than being an animal person or a having a large family.
All of the stuff above here was just a setup to say, “Hey we bought another wallaby. Her name is Bindi Lou Who.”
Now maybe you will feel guilty about giving me grief over it.
Maybe not. Either way.
If you like wallabies and secretly knew that we were crazy enough to get another one, this post is for you. You’re welcome.
-Underdaddy to the rescue.