Serpentine Thoughts

I need an escape from stress from time to time. Tonight wasn’t all that stressful but it had a few fun moments. Blogging helps. I am a little on edge. I am attempting a low-carb assault on my body in an attempt to enjoy my fat-pants once again. I am trying to keep my mind occupied. I could snort a Reese’s cup whole at this very moment. Maybe mainline some Coca-Cola. Maybe television could help.

We watched Dance Moms. Don’t ask me why. Every part of this show is orchestrated right down to the brunette lady with the wandering eye. I try to remain above the fray when it comes to physical afflictions but someone has to call mercy on this poor woman. The camera man keeps the zoom on full tilt while her right eye is darting around like a kid on look-out duty during a middle school drug deal. She has to be 50% chameleon with that ability to control each eye independently. Start showing her in profile or something. Not cool guys.


Science tells us that Subject A (left) would likely be a prey animal because of her wide field of view and nervous nature whereas Subject B would be more predatory due to a more focused field of movement-based vision. Fascinating. 

During this horrible-person moment I heard a lapping sound coming from the bathroom. It was one of those moments when you slowly put the mental puzzle together and have a terrible realization.


A) That is the sound of the dog drinking from the toilet and B) The girls never flush and C) We finished dinner about twenty minutes ago so someone has had a spaghetti induced BM. I jumped from the bed screaming, “NOOOOOO.” It was too late. The poor dog thought I was coming to claim her soul. She ran into the bedroom with stool water dripping from her chin. Supermom knew the risks of Judy Cornbread and her chum-chin. Now the poor dog thinks two people are going to kill her. She bolts into the living room to her box. Her safety zone. I locked her inside and went back to clean the toilet.

How long should you leave a dog alone while you wait for their mouth nastiness to clear?

A week?


I’m not sure science has an answer.


Donna Threeto lost her front tooth tonight. She ran into the room giggling, “Prima pulled my tooth out of my head. Hahaha.” Somehow Prima has managed to pull three teeth by snatching something out of her sister’s mouths. I don’t even know what they have in their mouth in the first place. Oh God… don’t let it be the dog’s chew toy. Moving on. She is so proud of losing her tooth in a hardcore way. She is walking around like Fire Marshall Bill. Her gums will need moisturizer if she doesn’t start putting her lip down soon.


We went to the exotic pet fair this weekend.

Let’s have a quick show of hands by everyone who thinks we made it through without buying something.

We brought a Gecko. A Crested Dalmatian Gecko is what the magic marker on the Tupperware said.


Meet Hermes Vanderwaal. His feet feel really cool when he walks on you.

If you are having a good week this post is for you. Mine is going well too. No really. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

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