I have spent the last several days trying to shake a head cold. It is kicking my ass. I am slowly getting better but I am not there yet. Supermom has been flying solo and it gives me an immense respect for anyone who has to shepherd multiple children as a single parent. Children just have tenacity that adults aren’t equipped to deal with.

Reader: Perhaps you could give me a few examples…
Underdaddy: Sorry. I zoned out for a minute. Cold meds. I was going somewhere with all that but I am just so exhausted. Okay. Some examples. No problem.

First we will start with Lady Bug. Her tenacity is more of a hard headedness paired with a communication barrier. She is hopelessly addicted to watching some random lady open My Little Pony mystery packs on Kid’s You Tube on an iPad that fails to hold more than a thirty minute charge. That means every thirty minutes she cries. She sobs. A lonely desperate wail that says her electronic soulmate has died and may never return leaving her alone to wander the earth. A tormented soul always looking for the old style iPad charger and someone reliable to plug it into the wall.

Don Threeto’s persistence should be fairly obvious from her multiple stories. She is the hammer and the world is her nail. An attorney’s dream. She has the balls to get herself into trouble but the moment she is found out she shuts up like a clam. This kid has been bleeding from the forehead after running into something and acted like I had a third ear when I asked her about it.

UD: Hey I noticed you are bleeding out of your forehead. Plus, I heard a loud bang like someone ran into the television tray.
Threeto: Nope.
UD: What do you mean nope? You are bleeding.
Threeto: No I’m not.
UD: …
Threeto: …

I can’t even process her sometimes.

However, our winner this evening is Jane. She is an alpha child all the way and she has a restless energy that I think she got from me. She was wearing me down with constant ADHD chatter so I sent her outside to play. Each time I checked on her she had a new epic project that she was working on. The first time, I opened the door and she was holding a small hand shovel and standing under her playhouse.

UD: What are you up to?
Jane: Just looking for a place to plant some corn under my playhouse.
UD: Okay.

Five minutes later and it looked like the patio had exploded with dirt and clumpy grass roots.

UD: Why is the patio covered in dirt.
Jane: I’m putting dirt in a cup.
UD: Why?
Jane: To get it off the patio.
UD: Okay

Fast forward ten minutes and I looked outside. I see her hunched over a water bottle working intently. My curiosity makes me investigate.

UD: What are you up to now?
Jane: I’m making a watering can.
UD: Sounds good.
Jane: I made one with this water bottle and a stick.
UD: Cool.
Jane: It works. See. (She squeezes it and water sprays in the air)
UD: Oh wow. How did you poke the holes in the top?
Jane: With a stick I found.

I looked around the patio and spotted a small frayed bamboo skewer. It was tattered and broken on one end. I looked back to Jane and silently inspected her hands. Not a scratch. I was amazed.

This child, who can’t seem to find shoes that she was just wearing or pour a glass of milk without using a roll of paper towels, has somehow penetrated the solid plastic cap of an Aquafina multiple times with a meat skewer. I can’t even get the damn thing through actual meat half the time. Hell, I can’t get the cap off the water half the time. Kudos to that kid. Extra kudos for not having to go to the ER. That is a welcome change. P.s. don’t ever make my kids mad enough to stab you because nothing can stop that tornado of fury.

If you have children who are persistent then this story is for you. My persistence in the War of The Pumpkins of 2015 has paid off in spades. I didn’t have to clean up a single rotting gourd. VICTORY! You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.