I Hate Wasps

I’m reading this book called The Long Earth. One of the characters is a Buddhist monk who was killed on a moped and immediately reincarnated into a vending machine and became a super artificial intelligence. He soon transcended the vending machine into electronics in general. That isn’t the main plot of the story but he did remain a Buddhist throughout his transition. That is probably one of the few philosophies that would survive a transition like that. It is also how I know that I can never be a true Buddhist.

There is supposed to be a deep connection to all living things. A sense that we are all connected in this struggle called life. Deep down at a core level, I hate wasps. Hornets too. The wasp-hornet class of pest is the absolute worst and if I had super powers of “not getting stung” I would make it my life’s work to hunt down each and every one to murder them with a spoon. Or a magnifying glass. Or a marathon session of smooth jazz. The point is that I hate them.

Our pest control specialist came by the house this week to spray around the perimeter. He asked me if I had any special requests or concerns.

“I want you to make this area unlivable for wasps. I don’t care what you have to do. Soak the wood fence until it is discolored. I don’t care if a bird lands and immediately gets foot cancer. I want to affect future populations of wasps negatively. Do you have anything that might trigger a wasp extinction? Name your price my friend.”

He laughed because he thought I was being funny.

I didn’t laugh.

It wasn’t funny.

I am a compassionate person. I work outdoors and I try to avoid harming things that other people are afraid of like snakes and spiders. They have a purpose and for the most part will leave you alone. Some parts of the world that statement might not be true but around here it works. But wasps-hornets have no place. They are assholes. Hypodermic needles with wings. Maybe people who live a horrible life are punished by coming back as wasps and they are pissed about it. Too bad, so sad. You are getting soaked with some nasty chemicals at my house. You shouldn’t breathe through your skin, jerk.

If you have a controlling phobia that inspires a deep seated hate against wasps, this post is for you. You’re welcome. Bees are cool by the way, honey is delicious.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

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