Many of you may recall a rant I had on the Orgreenic Non-stick pans that are the polar opposite of non-stick. Hate is a mild term to describe my feelings on these pans. Anything that adheres to butter is not fit for cooking. If they used the special green ceramic coating for things like skyscrapers then the window washer could just walk up the side like Spiderman and eliminate all those pulleys and platforms.
The only survivor of my previous rage-smash of the Orgreenic products was the soup pot because, surely to God, chicken broth would be fine against this non-stick surface. I have all but forgotten about the feelings of betrayal and violation that I had after throwing away my ‘As Seen On TV’ cookware. Then Supermom made Rice Krispy Treats… In the Orgreenic soup pot.
I have made an executive decision. I have a three step plan for eliminating the Orgreenic Non-stick problem. First, I will douse the entire pot in charcoal lighter fluid and light it on fire. Once the smoldering flames subside I will fill the demon pot with a high strength concrete. After the concrete sets inside the pot and creates a Rock of Eternal Sadness, I will cast it into the first swamp that I can find. I will laugh maniacally as it sinks into the marshy sludge and secretly I will hope that the pot will be preserved as a fossil for future civilizations to analyze. They will be amazed at our barbaric technology and have a renewed sense of appreciation for the standard of living that they have achieved. Or some asshole will sample a piece of the surviving coating and reverse engineer it only to sell it on an infomercial, touting the lost technology as some type of Lost City of Atlantis bullshit. Some future mega-store will sell it to trusting saps who will follow my same progression into madness only to end the spiral by smashing the “godamn pots” to pieces with a ten pound sledge hammer in the middle of a washed concrete driveway while the neighbors stare at them and silently judge the decaying pumpkins that are STILL on the front walkway. Well, they can cram those pumpkins into what’s left of this pot. Like I give a damn.
If you hate being sold crappy products this post is for you. You’re welcome. Again.
-Underdaddy to the rescue.