Road Rage

We are all hypocrites. I promise. I have an easy example.

Anyone with a beating heart can watch a telethon for St. Jude or listen to sad music as a backdrop to even sadder animals and become blubbering babies. Fifteen minutes of either and I am ready to mail the shirt off my back. I start considering selling everything I own and opening a shelter for stray animals. I can be moved to tears by videos of human kindness. At times it seems my empathy knows no bounds. And then…

Contrast this depth of human compassion with the unfiltered rage that I feel when the car in front of me forgets to turn off their blinker. The human threshold for tolerating a blinking turn signal is four blinks. After four the brain starts to fixate on the blinking light. It starts wondering what this taunting strobe could possibly mean. The questions build on each other a feed a kind of panic.

Is the driver unconscious? Gosh I hope not. I don’t know if my CPR certification is still in date…

Is the turn signal broken? They have to notice. It makes a clicking sound. Everyone notices a blinker…

Are they elderly? Maybe they are afraid to take their hands off of the wheel and turn the signal off. Nope I can see them in the rearview. They are young enough to be aware…

Is this the first wave of terrorists engaging in psychological warfare by driving Americans into an epileptic rage; turning brother against brother and igniting civil war part II? For the love of all that is holy turn off your fucking blinker before I switch to missiles and save humanity by wiping your sorry ass off the map! I will BEAT YOU WITH A TORQUE WRENCH! OH MY GOD, this thing is STILL. BLINIKING. The end of the earth is nigh. I didn’t prepare well enough. I don’t have non-GMO seeds, a hoard of ammunition, or nearly enough potable water.

When will this merciless siege on humanity end? I’m not ready for the apocalypse, I’m still a young man… Oh wait. They finally turned. Never mind.

Seriously though. What is it about road rage that taps directly into our bucket of hate? It makes me wonder if Hitler was a normal guy and then one day a Jewish lady cut him off in traffic and he thought, “That’s it. I’m rising to power and ending this lady’s entire cultural way of life.” Probably not, that would be a bit extreme, but from some of the road rage incidents I have witnessed, it isn’t out of the question.

If you struggle with rational emotions while driving, this post is for you. Tell me what your all-time worst, trigger moments are.

Oh and just for your information; The cover photo for this post is of a man who was using electric clippers to shave his head while driving. I followed him for about three miles. He was using both hands, the thing had a cord, and I’m pretty sure he was driving with his knees. These people are on the roads.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

9 comments

  1. Oh, no! The clipper thing is mind-boggling. I’ve seen folks tweezing, one or two quick hairs at a stoplight, but not–for example–attacking their entire eyebrows while knee-driving.

    I actually will change lanes to try to get out someone with long-blinking lights out of my visual field. Out of sight, out of mind! A few days ago, I had to work really hard to not shout something out my window at a dude smoking out his window in slow-moving freeway traffic. That all filtered into my car and took a good chunk of time to clear out.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Clippers while driving and playing a trumpet? I thought being on the phone was bad enough. I cannot imagine your road rage tendencies if you ever drive in Thailand. :p Crazy drivers on the road. I hv seen a mother cradling her few weeks old baby while she was driving with one hand. Madness.

    Liked by 1 person

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