Apparently I am going to have to become a better parent. Playing to the crowd isn’t working because my children keep throwing me under the bus.

It is one thing for strangers to question me when my child tells them point blank, “We didn’t buy this gift. It is an old one from mamaw’s house” but to start telling the grandparents strange things… that is going too far. I need someone in my corner when I am on the witness stand. This is the latest adventure in Kids-Say-The-Darndest-Things.

We have had a hectic holiday season and this past weekend was the first time we have been able to gather with part of our family on the opposite side of the state. Our long road trip must have given the children lots of time to reflect on embarrassing things to say. The visit started at a high school basketball game and the girls ran excitedly to Papaw and Lelee. Hugs and kisses and smiles bounced around. Aunt Kaykay was cheerleading and there were lots of sights and sounds that were distracting for the girls.

Leave it to old reliable Prima to hang me out to dry.

 

Prima: Hey Lelee…

Lelee: Yes?

Prima: Do you have any old things that we can have?

Me: *facepalm*

Lelee laughed and I just braced myself for the rodeo of random discussions that would make me look like a terrible person. Luckily, Lelee is understanding and tried to steer the conversation around to something that makes me look less like a crappy dad.

Lelee: So have you seen a basketball game before?

Prima: Oh yes! This is the third basketball game that I have seen.

Lelee: Oh really! What other games did you go see?

Prima: I didn’t go see them. They were on TV. One was Space Jam and the other was a man shooting basketballs on Henry Danger. Henry was in trouble and needed to …. (Insert thirty minutes of minute detail about a show that I’m sure Lelee didn’t know existed) But I have never been to a real game like this… We don’t go many places.

Me: You go places all the time!?

Prima: Yeah but we don’t go outside much. (She was staring at the halogen lights and only vaguely aware that she was still talking.) You don’t take us many places.

-sigh-

I never know what is going to come out of her mouth. Five minutes later that held true yet again.

The animal that represents this particular high school is a dragon. The cheerleaders were standing in front of a wall with a large mural of a dragon. Prima’s ADHD has focused her on the painting and she starts talking to Jane who is watching Aunt Kaykay.

 

Prima: Are they the dragons?

Jane: Yes

Prima: (pointing at the mural but appearing to point at a taller cheerleader) Oh man, that is a fat dragon!

Jane: Hahaha! Fat DRAGONS!

 

Sooooo, inside of ten minutes, my children revealed that we a) don’t have any material belongings, b) don’t allow them to venture into the sunlight, and c) teach them to ridicule people they don’t know.

If you have a continuing list of things that you have to explain, this post is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.