Big Dads Dont Cry

Tonight was a tough one. It started with Toby abandoning the will to live and convulsing in what is known as “death throes”. I was talking to Supermom on the phone on my drive home and she went into a blubbering panic about holding our dying pet in her arms. She pleaded for me to “hurry home” and “help me” but I was sitting in traffic. He died before I got there.

I know he was a pet. I know he belonged to a group of animals that seem to welcome death with open arms. Animals aren’t people. Those facts didn’t stop me from being upset. Sometimes animals feel like people. They have personality and give affection. They become a part of our lives. Then they die a violent death in the middle of your king sized bed.

I felt guilty about crying. Like it was silly for a dad to cry about a pet. Then my girls noticed and asked me a question.

“Daddy, Are you crying?”

“Yes honey. Daddy is sad.”

“Do boys cry?”

“Of course. Boys get sad just like girls and some cry…the strong ones do anyway. It is okay to cry.” Then they joined me in a hug and we worked through our sad moment together.

Our society works hard to project the image of the stoic male, holding his head high while his females sob at his feet. He is unaffected by their petty tears. He knows that life is hard. Rub some dirt in it. Shake it off. There is no crying in baseball.

I don’t want to ever be that guy. I don’t want to be that kind of dad.

I want to be strong when needed but I have learned to not fight my tears. Tears are how the soul waves at the things it loves. My soul loves lots of things.

I have decide to not feel guilty for loving things or showing that I do. It is a waste of time.

If you are a big boy or girl and you totally cry sometimes, this post is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

27 comments

  2. Aw sorry for your loss… Pets are definitely part on your family…heck I cried when our pecks and shark fish died in the fish tank! They were our oldest fish! We even held a ‘funeral’ with the kids!
    Good I you for showing emotions, it is good for the adults of the future to realise that it is ok for men to cry!

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      1. Bless them…. Kids eh!!!! I think my daughter would be like that… She’s definitely more self centred! My son, is so close to our cat, God forbid anything was to happen to him…..

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  5. I am sorry for y’all’s loss, especially now. Good for you for showing the girls that emotion isn’t based on gender and that love and compassion can apply to so many things and creatures in this world.

    Love and peace be with you and the girls…

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  7. I’m so sorry. I think when you’re a person who loves animals and brings them into your family, bonding is inevitable, and healthy, and beautiful. Toby was part of your family and you need to mourn him. And by the way, I think men who don’t cry are dysfunctional and weird. Crying and showing physical emotion is part of being human, and I feel genuine sadness for people who don’t or can’t understand that. I’m glad you’re not dysfunctional and weird.

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    1. Oh I am I’m sure but not in an emotional way. I have a wasp phobia that drives me to strange behavior like using the back door if I saw a wasp out front in the past year. But I do love kids and animals despite my efforts not to. They make the world bearable. Thank you.

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      1. Wasps don’t count toward weird and dysfunctional. Any sane human being would take precautions to avoid them. Yes, they cause pain, anxiety, and sometimes allergic reactions, but the world needs them.

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  9. So sorry to hear the sad news! I think you handled it amazingly with your daughters. There are many men out there who could take a few lessons from you on manhood/parenthood.
    RIP Toby

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  11. So sorry about Toby. It hurts so much to lose a sweet pet. We have a little garden in our backyard with four dogs and three cats. We were babysitting our grand dog and had to have him put down last year on Christmas Day. It was awful.

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