One of the things I love the most about parenting is the totally random things that kids will say. They don’t have any frame of reference so when I tell one of them to “stop licking your sister’s balls” there is zero giggling. They don’t realize that I said something funny or maybe I don’t realize it shouldn’t be funny. I don’t really know. I giggled. It’s funny.

I noticed some odd word pairings in a book we have from Your Baby Can Read. I’m not entirely sure that children benefit from learning the word Horse and the word Balls at the same time. Is there a phonetic connection? It makes me cringe a little to let the kids play with the flip cards. Another solid word combination is Chick and Reading. Classy guys, real classy. Here are some other situations that made me cringe/giggle.

The first one takes place on the farm. Grandma is walking a couple of horses out of the barn and Threeto is nearby. Horse number one bites horse number two out of spite and grandma says, “Coco, you bitch.” Threeto gets a confused look and asks, “We have a horse named bitch?”

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The other night we are playing in the living room. Everyone is imagining flying around with the dragons and being superheroes. Threeto runs up to me and looks me square in the eye, “Daddy. I am so high right now. Like really, really high.” She did look a little wild eyed so I giggled.

This is funny right?

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The day that we went to Toys-R-Us, we are walking up and down the aisles just looking at different toys. Once again Threeto is the star of the show. She grabs a Barbie with some sort of electronic sound feature. There is a hole in the box for a potential customer to stick in a finger and try out the button. She pokes the Barbie two or three times and her sister asks her to come look at another toy. Threeto responds, “Hang on…I’m fingering this.” Again, funny stuff.

Putting Threeto to bed and I say something offhanded about how they are “driving me crazy”.

Threeto: You mean nuts?

Underdaddy: Sure. You kids are driving me nuts.

Threeto: You have nuts.

Underdaddy: You mean I am crazy?

Threeto: … Nuts…

Underdaddy: … Go to sleep.

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Finally, like any good parent, I was allowing technology to do a little babysitting. As I walked by the three children gathered on the couch I heard them push a button and talk to the iPad. It made me curious so I took a peek and found that Kids YouTube has a Siri type search function where you can talk to the search bar. I said, “My Little Pony” and ten MLP videos were immediately displayed. Pretty cool. I also noticed that the iPad had trouble understanding the younger children. As I walked away I had the thought that it could be dangerous to let the kids search by talk. Lady Bug promptly removed her pacifier and unleashed a word that sounded very similar to fuck. I did a U-turn and took the iPad for a little while. Better safe than sorry. No one needs to see what Google brings up when you just search the F bomb.

So if you have fun with children and enjoy their creative language moments, this post is for you. Mostly it these have been through Don Threeto lately. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.