Proof Positive

“Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.” Wise words.

Well never fear. Supermom and I “opened our mouth” and proved it. Fair warning, I laughed about this for an unreasonable amount of time. Where to begin?

Okay well, here goes. So this one night we are trying desperately to get everyone headed in the right direction. I got home late from work. We needed one or two ingredients for dinner from the store so we didn’t eat until late. The kids smeared their bodies in some sort of tomato based grease from dinner so we had to take baths. After baths we discovered that the girls had made a tent upstairs from their blankets and pillows. I trudged upstairs and recovered blankets and pillows. .

We go through the usual routine of “Daddy I need an extra hug” and “Daddy… Say something funny.” Finally the kids go to sleep about an hour past bedtime. Supermom and I felt like our day had been rushed out from under us and we had to stay up late to wash a load of clothes so the older two would have something to wear to school.

Close to midnight and Jane wakes up and comes into our room. She has super red eyes and a stuffy nose. Turns out the dog had taken a nap on her pillow inside the blanket fort. Jane is allergic to pet dander. I know. I know. A million pets probably isn’t the best solution. Anyway, we dose her up with Benadryl and send her back to bed. The clothes finished drying a little after midnight. We left them in the dryer because we didn’t confirm they were done, we just listened for the buzzer to go off so we could be reasonably comfortable that the house wouldn’t burn down. Then we went directly to sleep.

I woke to birds chirping and a senile dog snoring at the end of my bed. I felt rested but something seemed out of place. Then I noticed the clock. 7:15. Oh shit. We had thirty minutes to get ready for school and work and no one was awake yet. I had forgotten the alarm clock.

What followed was an amazing display of leadership skills powered by adrenaline.

Everyone up and at’em. Little Debbie cakes for breakfast. Brush teeth. Get dressed. “Don’t worry about those wrinkles, they will stretch out and by lunchtime you wont even notice.” Brush hair. Prima’s hair was a huge mess because she went to bed with wet hair and we didn’t make time to blow dry it. Oh well. These things happen.

Jane is about halfway through her antihistamine induced haze. It takes a while for Benadryl to work out of their system but she couldn’t breathe the night before so I stand by the decision. She slumbered to the car like a zombie. I’m not sure how she didn’t walk into a wall or trip over toys. Her eyes were pretty much shut. At least she was dressed and had her backpack. I glanced at my watch (clock on my phone) and amazingly we are all on-time.

PARENTING WIN!!!

Then Prima’s eyes light up. She says, “Ohhh I’m so excited for school today!”

“Oh why is that?”

“It’s school picture day!”

Oh.My.God. Too late to change it now.

Prima thought, "Nailed It" a second too soon. Jane is still high. Which box should I check?

Prima thought, “Nailed It” a second too soon. Jane is still high. Which box should I check?

Fast forward to today. I walked into the house and saw the photos sitting on the desk. The funniest part is they said PROOF. I guess that is about right. Undeniable proof that we totally forgot about picture day. I promise we are better parents than this, only I’m not sure when.

For anyone who feels like a failure and occasionally gets some “PROOF”, this post is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

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