`We went for a play date with the kids over the weekend and I was inspired. I experienced an invention so great that I am considering writing a recommendation to the Nobel Prize committee. Ladies and gentlemen I give you….. Dehydrated Water Balloons.

Top five inventions – in order – (1) Fire, (2) Underwear, (3) Wheels, (4) Breasts, (5) Dehydrated Water Balloons.

Let me explain. An inventor who is most likely the love child of Thomas Edison and Mother Teresa (and thereby part of a race of time-travelers) took the female end of a water hose, attached fifty tiny straws, and placed water balloons on each one with a rubber band. Simply attach to the end of a water hose and turn the hose on. Slowly fill the balloons and once they are large enough just shake the hose and they all fall off into a bucket. Tip: Fill them in a tub of water so they are neutrally buoyant and don’t do it over grass because the blades might bust them when they fall off.

This could have changed my entire childhood. Think of the skill our military would have at throwing grenades if childhood practice had been this easy. World Peace. That is where we would be. The fear of ultra-accurate long distance grenadiers would crush all rebellion and defiance. Trees would hug us because of all the fucking world peace.

Sorry. I got carried away. What a weird thought, being crushed to death by a giant oak tree that doesn’t respect personal space. Moving on.

Suffice it to say, it was an awesome water balloon war this weekend. I took the inspiration and channeled it into my common everyday problems. Two days later I was sitting around the living room and thinking to myself. I spend a lot of time getting these little hellions juice. I don’t spend nearly as much time getting the pets liquids. At first I took the obvious route and thought about pouring a gallon of Sunny D in a bowl. The only two issues could fathom were accidental spillage and someone pooping in the open air bowl.

Back to the drawing board.

Then lightning struck! Rodents drink and pee constantly without regard to social situations. So do my kids. What works for rodents might also work for them. The Sunny D Spigot was born.

Now they can self-hydrate on the go.

Take that Dehydrated Water Balloon Man! Im so bright that my mother calls me son. Im so radiant that my children wear sunglasses indoors.

My innovation was so inspiring that even Don Threeto took notice (beyond wearing sunglasses of course). She made an invention of her own. The Shoe Safe. Basically you take the one shoe that you can still find after Mommy buys a brand new pair and you stuff it full of cash.

Thieves break into the house and see a shoe and think, “Hmmm, that is a normal household item and probably smells stinky so I will leave it alone.” Little do they know that it is full of your hard earned blood money. Winning!

If your capacity for innovation surprises the people around you, this post is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.