Went To Colorado But Not For What You Think

We recently took a four day road-trip to Colorado and you won’t believe why. Or maybe you will. I’ll tell you why but along the way let’s look at some pictures. I rarely do anything that doesn’t become interesting/complicated/frightening and this trip was no different. The easiest way to tell you everything is probably a list and everyone likes pictures right?

Here is our roadtrip! Eleven notable things.

1. Turns out that Summer’s Eve feminine products is exploring a new flavor, Urban Musk. It smells like a Convertible Honda S2000 + Gold Rims, Backwards Basketball Hat, Super-white Acne Shoulders Peeking Out of a Tank Top, and an Undeserved Sense of Self-worth. This guy couldn’t have been more douche-y if he was a rubber bag with a plastic nozzle. Yes, I used the word flavor on purpose.

Colorado_1

It makes it creepier which matches this guy.
2. It is always concerning to look up and see something like this.

Colorado_Truck
3. One thousand miles is a hell-of-a-long drive so we stopped halfway at Salina, Kansas and attempted to stay at a Best Western. There were several things that bothered me about the hotel. Maybe it was because it was 1:00 am or maybe it was actually creepy.

Horror movie hallway.

Horror movie hallway.

Why is this here? This is an elevator.

Why is this here? This is an elevator.

The conversation with the front desk manager was awesome and it may get its own post. Suffice it to say that I support the Kansas gun laws because I locked the door and sat facing it waiting for a Scarface level gunfight to erupt.

4. There is nothing in Kansas. It is so boring that they moved Kansas City just over the line into Missouri. It is like “The Hills Have Eyes” movie but there aren’t any hills. Super creepy.

5. We think we saw a tornado and we know that our car received hail damage.

No houses falling on witches though.

No houses falling on witches though.

6. After arriving in Strausburg, CO we went one mile south of I-70 and stopped to get the object of our trip. A baby Wallaby named Sir Tobias Dashnap.

Meet Sir Tobias Dashnap

Meet Sir Tobias Dashnap

Toby for short.

Sleepy Toby

Sleepy Toby

The conversation with anyone is always exactly the same;

“We are getting a Wallaby.”

“A what?”

“A wallaby. Like a kangaroo but smaller.”

“Is that legal?”

“Yes.”

“Okay… (Reads: WTF?)”

Then people usually try to find something positive to say but are too shocked to think of anything. I’m sure if you are like me, there are several questions that pop up later so I will help you out.

Yes, we are crazy and this isn’t the first symptom of that fact.

It will be small and stay inside sometimes in a playpen and outside sometimes in a little house.

No you can’t ask what it costs because that is crazy too. Less than a private jet but more than a free stray cat.

We did it because life is meant to be lived and I would rather be interesting than normal any day of the week. In short, we did it because we could, why not? Don’t answer that. There are plenty of “why nots” in life and I can’t be bothered with those.
7. Part of the impetus to begin blogging was my admiration for a couple of funny stories by The Bloggess. The metal chicken story and the taxidermy monkey story. Supermom and I have a habit of relaying anything related to those stories to our friends (Familydoctormom and The Professor). On this trip we found a Metal Chicken and a stuffed Puma. Thanks Jenny for the gift that keeps on giving!

Someone was told not to buy towels.

Someone was told not to buy towels.

The eyes follow you...

The eyes follow you…

8. We visited downtown Denver and ate lunch with one of the few college friends I have managed to keep contact with and he took us to the Cherry Cricket. A famous burger spot that was amazing. Thanks to the Duke-of-Earl for being our tour guide. It was really good to catch up!
9. Then we visited Georgetown just inside the Rocky Mountains. A beautiful spot built on a valley between two large mountains. We collected some rocks from the Rockies which the girls loved.

Colorado_Panorama

There was a house that concerned me though, it had a creepy stuffed clown with skis mounted in a window because that is normal?

File under WTF?

File under WTF?

10. The line between the Rocky Mountains and the Great Plains is abrupt. Denver is flat and at the exact base of the mountains. Driving though the plains was beautiful just because of the views. We saw really cool windmills, oil wells, tumble weeds, stone fence posts, NO TREES, plenty of wheat and cows.

Those black dots are cows. Windmills are huge.

Those black dots are cows. Windmills are huge.

Drill baby drill.

Drill baby drill.

Also, if I were to try and decide the current events of Kansas just by propaganda on billboards I would think they had three issues; People are unfamiliar with Jesus, Everyone is having recreational abortions, and McDonald’s has a shortage of French fries. These were seriously the only billboards I saw on the entire drive. The Jesus billboards were awesome because they were paintings of Jesus but they were placed in fields and sometimes he was painted holding whatever the actual crop planted around the sign was. For instance, one sign had him holding a fistful of wheat and the sign was in a wheat field so it felt like he was hiding and jumping out to surprise you. I have a collection of awesome pictures on my Facebook Page. Go check them out and Like the page if you want to see more of my stuff.

11. The drive home was an uninterrupted nineteen hours of driving. We started home with the intent of stopping halfway but each milestone was at a weird point in the journey so I kept going each time and by 4:00 am I didn’t see much point in getting a hotel room. Power through! One thousand miles is a long way to drive and I am a little delirious. I got back into the car to go get drive thru chicken and I had a small panic attack. Can you get PTSD from too much driving?

The kids had a fun time at Mamaw’s farm while we were away and even diaper dog was thankful for a break. Life gets routine sometimes and a little bit of spontaneity was good for us. What other time would I get out to see Kansas? I don’t recommend going and buying livestock when you get in a rut but for us it seems to work. So if you like to live life on the edge of social acceptance, this post is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.

42 comments

  1. Damn this is awesome. First I thought this post just had a random feature image. Then I found out nope, just a random acquisition. Can you train it? To like sit, or get your mail, or check your Facebook notifications?

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  3. First of all awesome that you got a Wallaby! Second, my husband and I have moved to or from Denver 3 times now. I would be ok if I never see Kansas again. I’m not sure anyone would notice if it fell off the map. Everything else you said is completely true and thank you for such a good story. Loved it.

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  4. Aw, I want a wallaby! It could play with Cody. But first, I have to check my town’s code to see if they would allow it. I know farm animals are not allowed, but wallabies aren’t farm animals.
    Maybe I can use whatever money I have after my household renovations to take the trip and buy one – let me know if you hear of a good wallaby sale, ’cause my funds will be somewhat limited. 🙂

    PS: Will doggie diapers fit a wallaby?

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    1. They are listed as exotic pets because they try to die so you have to fuss over them more. i think the turkey-like rear legs are a problem for the diaper. Take a trip but maybe hold off on the wallaby. I let you know how it goes.

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      1. I’ll be looking forward to your experiences with that wallaby. My town does prohibit “exotic pets” (although I think they were referring more to tigers, jaguars and the like), so I guess I’m out of luck.

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  7. That Best Western looks more than tad creepy, there is nothing more boring that driving through the Plains unless of course you are driving in Indiana. Can’t wait to see more photos of the Wallaby and I’m sure the kiddos are going to love it!

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  11. I did not know that you could buy a wallaby . . . and now that I know, I must have one. You got that wallaby so that he could grow up, become loyal to your girls, and then kick anyone who breaks their hearts or who is mean to them, didn’t you? You clever, clever man.

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    1. If they weren’t dumb as a bag of rock I would definitely expect that level of valor. But they are lovable fools and I don’t know they could think at that depth. From all I read, he may not make it that long anyway.

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  12. Pingback: They Grow Up So Fast | Underdaddy

      1. I know… It’s like shooting deers in a way here. But yes, it feels so different to me too… The cool thing is to go on hikes and just see them suddenly behind a tree. Love it. A friend of mine is a wildlife carer. She gets the joeys (that’s how the babies are called) from road kills or injured wallabies to look after… Sometimes her house is full of wallabies…

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  14. Hi there… Total stranger here creeping your blog BUT… I am looking into adopting a wallaby (stumbled across your post while researching)… How are things going with the little guy? Would you do it all over again? Pros? Cons? I would love some firsthand experience… 🙂

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