It think it is pretty safe to say that on average men tend to have a higher desire for physical intimacy than women. It isn’t a hard and fast rule (see what I did there?) but, stereotypes and the drug industry both imply that sex is more important to men than women, on an everyday basis. Brace yourselves. There is a company out there working to change the dynamic.

Sprout Pharmaceuticals has a “pink pill” that is being touted as a potential solution to “low mental libido” in women. Feel free to read the article. Let it soak in for a second and then we can discuss.

While I think that women are entitled to improving their situation I do want to point out a few ways to look at this. On a case by case basis, this drug could be a God-send. Let’s assume this drug is 100% safe and 100% effective. It becomes accepted worldwide as the next best thing and maybe even becomes an Over-The-Counter drug like aspirin. It could be sold in a combo-pack with KY-Jelly and totally revitalize research into synthetic lubricants and second degree burn treatments. Marriages would be more complete and passionate than any time in history.

But I’m not concerned as much with the positive effects. The negatives might prove to be much more world-altering.

Imagine a world where everyone has the desire levels of men. All progress would cease. People would drop all pretense of civilized life and commence with an orgy in the streets. Clothing sales would plummet. Shanty towns would erupt in warm climates and cities in cold areas would become ghost towns.

Social structure would change completely as thousands of unsuspecting men would fall victim to date rape drugs and would be lied to just to get them into the bedroom. The roadways would be full of aggressive drivers speeding to their next conquest. The grocery store would look like a scene from Dance Moms. Dancing would be redefined as standing still because all normal standing would involve rhythmic humping motions. There may be a spinoff show called “Standing Still Moms” except they wouldn’t exist anymore. Woodstock would look like a Baptist church revival next to the horny madness of a libido driven world. The effect on birthrate is unknown. If the “pink death pill” interferes with birth control then a population explosion of viral proportions would drive the world to hunger and poverty leading to the downfall of man.

Does anyone remember in elementary school when you played the game “Opposite Day”? Welcome to Opposite World.

Sprout Pharmaceutical will rise to world dominance with a product as widespread as lipstick but with addiction levels near that of Crack or Heroine. If they hold a patent on the secret formula they could challenge OPEC or Walmart or the Illuminati.

History will be re-written. The lid will be off Pandora’s Box and out will pour “Spanish Fly”. Is it irony that the End of Days is heralded by the four horsemen and the top condom sales company is Trojan? Trojan is also associated with the “Trojan Horse”; it appeared to be a gift but was a way to bring down enemies from the inside. A Greek story. A society known for promiscuity and high libido. History repeats itself again? My pseudo-science and loose reasoning points to the definite answer of “maybe”.

Now let’s consider reality. The FDA will evaluate and find out that it can’t be approved. This super pill is a false hope just like red wine, backrubs, and Fifty Shades of Grey. Lies that all seem to be working until they give her a headache or make her sleepy. I don’t think such an aphrodisiac exists and if someone says “when men help with housework” I’m going to set an animal shelter on fire. That is BS and you know it.

So if you are into crazy conspiracy theories or stream of consciousness writing, this post is for you. I don’t think it has much to do with parenting but I’m tired of parenting today. The kids are all distracted by technology and junk food at the moment so I apologize for drifting. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.