Shame on the Red Ranger

As a former Red Power Ranger, I am deeply saddened by the actions of my colleague.

That’s right. I am a former Red Ranger. It’s time I come clean and share my tale.

Almost a lifetime ago, I was a High School senior and my much younger cousins were celebrating the birthday of the one and only Mr. Smiles. Mr. Smiles was always happy and smiling. Perhaps no one ever told him that life wasn’t a happy place, I don’t know but none-the-less he was always happy. Always. His father, GI Joe, wanted to keep that smile alive for years to come so for his birthday party he decided to make it an exciting version of Mr. Smiles favorite TV show; The Might Morphin’ Power Rangers. Red Ranger would be the guest of honor and it would be AWESOME! He ordered the outfit complete with a realistic helmet and when it arrived he suddenly realized that it wouldn’t work.

The problem was that GI Joe was a very muscular guy. Former bodybuilder, military MP, and member of the local SWAT team; he was lean and mean but way too big to squeeze into the Red Ranger tights. I’m not sure he could get them over his thigh muscles without ripping them like The Hulk. The birthday was a few days away and there would soon be an attempt to find someone to fill the role of Red Ranger.

In general, whatever you do for your own children in the name of making them happy is forgivable for your pride. Want to dress like Dorothy and go check the mail because your kids think it is the funniest thing ever? Okay but it better be for the kids only. Society will forgive you but beyond that it gets fuzzy.

The tricky part is that GI Joe needed someone who was willing to dress in a red spandex suit. That person needed “Mad Ninja Skills” and a “Hollywood” physique. To his dismay, I was the only volunteer and I had little of either but I was able to fit into the suit. As the much older cousin it was always my job to oversee the never ending karate fight in the living room at every family gathering. There was much tickling, hi-yahs, and wrestling throughout the years so I was prepared.

I love the confusion and boredom on their faces. I must have been a terrible Ranger.

I love the confusion and boredom on their faces. I must have been a terrible Ranger.

As they say. The rest is history. We talked about fighting Puttys (Bad guys on the show) and how cool it was to morph into zords. I didn’t know enough of the intricate details so at the end of the visit they looked at me like I had brain damage from all my battles. I’m not sure that I advanced the brand for those customers but I think they had a good time.

It was a good reminder that magic and wonder don’t hang around forever. If you can make something memorable for kids then pride should be ignored. That’s why I want to set the record straight and let everyone know that the real Red Ranger is totally against killing your roommate with a sword. Shame on you Ricardo Medina. Bad form.

So if you dress like a clown or a power ranger to make kids happy this post is for you. You’re Welcome. Hopefully you didn’t scar their fragile minds like evil Easter Bunnies or Creepy Mall Santas.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.


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