Like Two Boobs in a Bra

Weird awkward moments are plentiful with kids. Every now and then one moment will stand out above the others.

There are two facts that are important to this story.

1) My wife went the breast feeding route with all of the kids. If you have been living under a rock all of your life then I will need to explain that making milk makes boobies bigger. It is one of life’s cruelest ironies. They become more interesting but they are off limits.
2) One of the perks of married life is passive nakedness. Well, not for the women but definitely for men. Not to get too far off track but I imagine there may be some people who read this and are offended because they consider themselves or their spouse a prize. I’m just saying that chances are the women are far less impressed due to simple supply and demand principles.

So given these simple facts we can continue.

One day I am sitting on the edge of the bed and playing some sort of game with our youngest, Lady Bug. She crawls over and giggles at a funny face and then crawls away. Super funny stuff. We are waiting on Supermom to finish getting ready to go somewhere, probably Wal-Mart if I was betting on statistics.

Supermom comes over and engages me in the most confusing game in the world. It is the “which one” game and I always lose.

“Which shirt do you like better? The one that I am wearing or this glittery one?”
“I like the one you have on.”
“Do you really or do you not want me to change?”
“The one you have on is the best choice.”
“I don’t think it looks good.”
“Well change then, I fail at color coordination every time I dress the kids.”
“I’m going to change.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“Do you think it will look good?”

Suddenly clothes are flying in a flash change and I lock into guy staring mode. The moment passes and I look over at Lady Bug and I realize that she was recently weaned from breast feeding.

For about thirty seconds we had the exact same look.

I was confused for a second but I think it brought us closer. We shared a longing feeling for something we can remember enjoying but we each knew to appreciate the moment for what it was, a glimpse at something out of reach.

Then I think back and wonder if there was a period of life for each of the kids where we were like best-friend wingman checking out boobs with an equal appreciation. Of course I would be a typical man whereas the girls were thinking about snack-time.

Parenting is so weird.

If you ever found it weird that there was a shared interest in something like boobs but for different reasons this story is for you. You’re welcome.

-Underdaddy to the rescue.


      1. My very first thought was that it sounds like a commercial, but I couldn’t think of anything appropriate that would be a commercial for. Maybe if your wife had said “good grief, here, have some Doritos” or something like that, it would be played during the superbowl.

        yes, there is probably something wrong with me.


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