Perfect Parenting – A Timeline Approach

I enjoy order and equations and simple relationships. My daytime job requires me to have a very active right brain so I decided to apply some engineering economy to the parenting-time problem. Society defines what being a good parent looks like so I have put some categories and times together to take a different look.

First we have necessity;
• Sleep – 10 hours minimum recommended for children 12 and under, most requirements are from 12-14 hours. We will assume I meet minimums. (10:00)
• Eating – Three meals at twenty minutes each. We will also assume that I feed my kids. (1:00)
• School – 7 hours at the bare minimum (7:00)

This is looking really good, only (18:00) eighteen hours out of the day are completely obligated. That leaves six hours to be awesome parents. I should be able to raise a well-rounded genius with six hours a day.

Now, what activities should a good parent partake in? I feel like the list below would get enough likes on Facebook for me to be able to look at myself in the mirror.

• Reading at night followed by bedtime prayers. (0:20)
• Extracurricular Activity– Dance, Baseball, Cross-stitch, Piano, Etc. One Hour (1:00)
• Kid Baths and Teeth Brushing – Twenty Minutes (0:20)
• Driving To and Fro – Let’s assume ten minutes each way and two trips a day. Forty minutes of driving. (0:40)
• Homework – Kids lose interest so thirty minutes tops. (0:30)
• Wake-up and Get ready – (0:40)
• Parent Work Differential, Eight hour day and school is only seven – (1:00)

Hmmm, Four hours and thirty minutes gone for a total of 22:30 used. That leaves one and one half hour of free-time bliss. Well there you have it scientific proof that perfect parenting is completely possible. I am just going to let my wife proof-read this and then we should be ready to post.

Okay I need to add a few things and make some amendments.

• Shopping for Necessary Goods – (0:45)
• Actually Cooking at Least One Meal – (0:30 Minutes Minimum according to Rachel Ray)
• Laundry – (0:25)
• Dishes – (0:15)
• Adult Bath and Bedtime– (0:05)

Total of two hours brings us to 24:30 or a debit of thirty minutes (-0:30) to take from somewhere. They can do homework at the afterschool program while waiting on mom or dad to pick them up. See problem solved. That was close.

Wait, wait, wait… Apparently I married a princess and she says five minutes for bathing and brushing isn’t realistic. Plus a couple of little odds and ends that I left out. I have amended again.

• Shopping – We are out of something daily, no amount of planning can fix it. (1:00)
• Actually Cooking at Least One Meal – Rachel Ray lies like a rug. Who precuts and wraps. Im sticking with the time but the meal is a rotation of pizza, spaghetti, taco soup, fast food, and Oh no we forgot dinner here give them some Poptarts and Juice. (0:30)
• Laundry and Folding – I think bathing and mandatory sleeping in underwear would fix this. (0:45)
• Dishes – Put up last night clean and replace with this night dirty. (0:20)
• Adult Bath and Bedtime – Co-shower to save time and the hot water still runs out. (0:30)
• Required TV Viewing – Dance Moms, Chicago Fire, Greys, 19 Kids and Counting, Anything That is On Really (2:00)
Marital Business (0:20) Let’s not kid ourselves here.
• Late Night Snack – Gelato, Cheese and Crackers, PB&J (0:15)
• Dog has to Pee – Always (0:05)
• Facebook Update Blackhole – Viral video, Count local murders, (1:00)
• DVR Got the first part of that show I only saw part of so I rewatched it. – I love Alien shows and they only show them late because normal people go to bed (0:45)
• Oh shit, It is our snack day tomorrow and we didn’t buy a snack – Rush to store for a bag of Cuties (0:30)
• What did the cat just hack out in the living room? – A slimy ball of herself. (0:05)
• Short freak-out after I step on a tutu on hardwood and smash my toe into the wall, I clean the living room until a path is usable. – Do we need fifteen of these things? (0:15)
• Snooze button land, why is the standard for snooze not 10 minutes? (0:27)

That brings the total for the day to… 22:30 + 07:57 = 30:27

We only need to trim six hours and twenty seven minutes and we can be perfect parents. Although I don’t see anything that could be improved upon really, I guess we will just take it out of the sleep total.

So if you have unwashed, unfolded clothes, uncleaned dishes, and your house looks like a candidate for Hoarders don’t worry about it. Math has proven that you are innocent. I made a pie chart but then I wanted some pie and the computer died and I didn’t save the chart. I’m not redoing that.

Underdaddy to the rescue.


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